Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Father, Daughter Dance

Daddy will be here...

I know he will be. 

"You look so pretty, Share." She finished the ponytail with a slight pull and turned me toward the mirror. "You're all ready now." 

I know he'll come. He has too! 

"This dress looks so pretty on you. You're grandpa is going to love it too. Wait until you see him. He's all dressed up for your special night." 

But Daddy's taking me to the dance. He'll be here. He'll knock at the door in a few minutes, just in time. 

"Wait here a minute now. I'll tell you when to come out." She said. I waited for the knock at the front door when she stepped out. I leaned close to the door so I wouldn't miss it. "Come on out, Sharen!" 

Just because I didn't hear the front door open, doesn't mean he's not here. 

Eyes to my feet, I walked slow into the living room. "You're going to be the most beautiful girl at the dance tonight," he said. 

It's not Daddy's voice. It's his. 

"Shall we?" He reached for my hand, and I did the only thing I knew I could do. I put my hand in his, and he walked me to the car. 

"Have fun tonight!" I heard my mom's voice behind me, though barely. Her words pushed  through the reverberation of my silent cry. 

And so it went every year...

I finally gave up on the dream of Daddy showing up for Father, Daughter Dances, and accepted my grandpa as his substitute. At least he couldn't hurt me while we were at school. We were simply a normal grandfather and his granddaughter. Only not.

(As an aside... I would share a picture of my grandpa and me, but during my healing years, as an act of setting healthy boundaries, I got rid of every single photo of him. I'll share this story soon)

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